Wall St. Layoffs, Put On Your Hard Hats


Trump putting first things first on Jobs

Clean out your lunch pails. Fill up those coffee thermoses. Just like The Donald promised, he’s putting you back to work. He signed an executive order yesterday that does away with a lot of the regulations that Dodd-Frank put in place to try to prevent a repeat of 2008.

Can you say “Job Creator”? Can you say, thank you, Donald? Wall Street can.

No more onerous restrictions on bonuses. No more Uncle Sam looking over your shoulder when you want to unload shit on a client and tell him it’s shinola. Lying is an essential American business practice! And no one knows that better than Donald Trump.

Tell your out-of-work relatives in the Main Streets of the Midwest and South to start bundling up those mortgages again. although they shouldn’t call them collateralized debt obligations CDOs … because, you know, The Big Short. And everyone should feel free to invent your own scam derivatives, call them whatever you want … maybe caramelized bond indentures … that you can pawn off on your neighbors and watch them go broke.

If anyone questions you, worries we’ve been down this path before and it created a worldwide financial meltdown that we still haven’t come close to recovering from, just say “Obama” or “her emails.” Things will be different now. That should shut them up. And, if it doesn’t, Steve Bannon or Sean Spicer will school them.

And, hey, if any of you poor folks in the Midwest and South were hoping Trump would “create jobs” directly in your parts of the country and that they would be jobs you could go work, chillax. Okay? After Trump takes care of Wall Street and his fellow Richie Riches, their wealth will “trickle down” to you.

Better than a “trickle.” actually. We’re talking Golden Shower!


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