That’s a serious question. If you’ve ever been inside a church, you know The Donald hasn’t. Except maybe for a relative’s funeral. The occasional wedding. Trump needs a Prayer Coach to teach him how to bow and hold his hands, a Worship Coach to show him where to look, a Pretend Coach to teach him how to act engaged in praising Jesus when he’s actually bored shitless and wondering how long until he’s in his limo and can start surfing porn. Can’t Ivanka or somebody show him tape of Pence and his Beard (sorry, Wife) at worship next to Poor Donald. See how devout they look?
Until 2016, Donald Pussy Grabber Trump never gave a single thought to God and he harbors not a single ounce of Faith. Before 2016, if he’d ever accidentally walked into a church – and realized people had to be quiet and that the women’s dresses mostly fell below the knee – he would have turned and run for the exit.
I saw some dotty old Aunt Bee types on CNN or somewhere (in an assisted living in Kansas or wherever) saying they could tell that Donald was reformed, now touched by the Lord. Well, somebody’s “touched” – or “tetched” as we use to say in Indiana – but it ain’t The Donald and it ain’t by the Lord.
How ironic then that Donald Trump is one of the only GOP Presidents to actually deliver on some of the promises he made to curdled rightwing alleged believers in order to get elected. Including declaring war on Muslims. Including yesterday, when he promised to “completely destroy” the limits on church spending and advocacy in regard to political campaigns. Which will turn some of the nation’s megachurches into Super PACs overnight.
Donald got your votes, Aunt Bees. Now he wants your pennies. The Christian Kissing Up Act might be part of the Bannon neofascist worldview somehow … I’m still reading up on that asshole … but it’s probably (or mostly) just a naked money grab.
Think of it as a tithe, good folks, to make sure the planet burns up sooner and that science never finds a cure for your granddaughter’s paralysis. Think of it as a tax on stupidity.
How dumb do you have to be to believe Donald Trump is a Christian? Dumb enough to think FOX is fair and balanced. Or that Barack Obama wasn’t born in the United States.